Every time I think about a situation that didn’t work out whether it’s for me or my friends, I find myself singing Beyonce’s “Best Thing I Never Had” in my head. Hate to sound like the church mother who always sits on the far left in the second pew, but as I mature, I’m starting to accept, that nothing that leaves your life is ever your best. Because God won’t let your best leave, but He will eliminate what’s keeping you from it. Read that sentence again if you have to.
“Because God won’t let your best leave, but He will eliminate what’s keeping you from it.”
Now I’m not one for modeling my personal life after celebrities, especially relationships. But since their lives are so public and unfortunately, even their most private moments are put in the statement, there is one lesson we can take away from their drama. And that’s reclaiming your time.
Blame generational curses or our own mental state, but we can become addicted to toxicity and used to the half-assed treatment. Yes, read that again. But there comes a time where you have to wake up. We will credit R. Kelly for at least ONE thing when a woman is fed up, she is fed up.
Cassie walked out of a 10-plus year relationship with Diddy and into marriage and motherhood with Alex Beau. Ciara left toxicity with Future and found pure bliss with Russell Wilson (we still need that prayer verbatim you sent up the clouds sis! ). Karrueche left humiliation and hurt with Chris Brown and found her self-worth and appreciation with Victor Cruz.
Ladies, when you reclaim your time after leaving a situation or relationship that no longer serves you, you learn a few things:
1. You miss yourself when you lose yourself
Whether you’re in a good or bad relationship, it’s easy to get lost in your significant other. We can spend so much time and energy in working to fulfill their wants and needs that we can neglect our own. You can also lose your happiness and forget how to love yourself. Ciara said it best in an interview last year with Red Table Talk. “If you stay in situations that are not healthy or if you let them linger for too long, you start to lose yourself.”
The expecting mother of three continued, “Once I started to love myself then I’m also loving my son. Then I can also be loved the way I deserve to be loved and I can also love the right way.”
Find your happy place, get a hobby, revert that energy you were using in a dead-end situation to something that feeds you in a positive way, whether that’s mentally, physically, spiritually and financially.
In other words, when you start doing right for yourself, you will not only attract things and people that are good to you but also good for you.
2. It’s OK to want what you want and not settle for anything less
As a cancer, I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in true love, soulmates, fireworks and all of that! And it’s not as common anymore, but I also prefer to be married before kids.
Don’t compromise on your values and wants just because the other person is not on the same page. As a woman, if you want a relationship, marriage, and family, and he does not move on. Cassie never really opened up about her ultimate decision to move on from Diddy, but it’s possible it may have had something to do with those possible factors we just mentioned.
Seriously, what one man won’t do another man will. And if he wanted to, he would have and if he wants to be with you, he would. Period. Point. Blank.
And let’s not forget the most important reason. TIME’S A WASTING! Life’s too short and unpredictable to not get what you want. And we have no time to waste.
3. The best will never leave your life
We briefly discussed this at the beginning. But let’s reiterate; God will not allow something or someone to leave your life, without replacing it with better. For my praying crowd, have you ever prayed to find clarity on a situation and it seems that the situation is turning from bad to worse? Then you find yourself saying, no God this is not what I meant! But God is like this is what I’m trying to show you.
As women, we are natural sacrificers and givers; whether it’s our bodies for motherhood or our time in others. But sometimes, it’s those situations that we want so hard that the Higher Power himself is trying to tear apart. Not because He hates you, but because he has something better for you!
If a person is growing distant from you, let them grow. If someone is choosing to walk away, don’t chase let them leave. Whether people are removed by choice or force, they were NEVER your best! Because the best in your life will come and be there to stay. So many times, we try to gain control of a situation that’s out of our control. The only control we can be left with is how we choose to react to the circumstances.
“…it’s those situations that we want so hard that the Higher Power himself is trying to tear apart.”
As stated in point #2, if he wanted to he would have. Heal and keep it moving.
4. You forgive yourself
Having a tribe of friends and family around you can help you with this one.
When you finally have the will and power to walk away, you could be left feeling broken, hopeless and disappointed.
Why did I waste so much time? If I only did this, if I only said that, maybe I’m this, maybe he’s right…
Placing self-blame and plaguing yourself with should’ve, could’ve, would’ve could sink you into a deep, dark hole. Don’t do it to yourself sis. The first step to officially moving on is forgiving yourself. Forgive yourself for the self-doubt, the guilt, the shame. You learn from your mistakes, accept your accountability. You learned about yourself, what type of person you are and the person you want to be. You learn what you accept and don’t accept. You learn how to love and be loved. Time is never wasted when there is a lesson learned.
5. Your love is out there
C’mon healthy love glow!
When you’re loved right, it feels right. A broken heart is not broken forever. Stay open to love and new possibilities. God is never late on our prayers. And if we’re going to start being honest with ourselves in 2020, sometimes we are not always ready for what we are asking for! These men we walk away from are not even ready, which is why we walk away. Needless to say, work needs to be done on both sides of the track. But we have to trust that what we pray for will happen when it’s supposed to, including love.
In the meantime, don’t be afraid of being alone. Take a page from Keri Hilson, “I’m single by choice. I believe in reflecting, growing, & healing in between relationships,” she captioned in a 2018 post. “I don’t Tarzan swing from vine to vine out of fear, loneliness, ego, or validation cuz I truly enjoy my life by myself, too. I’m not waiting or looking. The right one will find me when it’s time. I’m just focused on being the best human I can be.”
My wish is that you choose you and continue to choose you and trust that your best is yet to come.
A working journalist, entrepreneur and founder of RoyalTee Enterprises. Born and raised in Tampa, Fla. The vision of RoyalTee was inspired in 2015 by Alexia’s ambitions to return to her passion for creative writing and publishing and create a platform to showcase the excellence of minority women across the country through professional, personal and social ventures.