As seen on Michael Baisden Live (a paid partnership)
Starting a family is a common goal on most women’s list. But does it have to be in your 20s? Where does this logic come from?
Back in February, Necole Kane, the founder of the popular lifestyle website, xonecole, tweeted out this message, “you can be fit, career popping, good credit, financially stable, amazing health, well-trained, glowing, chakras aligned, and people will be like… but where your man at though.”
As if being successful, sexy, confident, doing bad by ourselves and in our right minds are not good enough accomplishments as women. And with the questionable circumstances of a man, the lingering pressure of children follows.
It targets you at family gatherings, like the BBQs and the baby showers, especially if you’re raised in the south . There’s always the grandmother or other elder woman in our family who most likely got knocked up and married before the legal drinking age.
“Four years in college and you still didn’t find a man?”
Interesting. Didn’t know I was attending an institution of higher education to look for one.
It targets you after Sunday morning service, when the older ladies (usually the “mothers” that sit in the first three rows with the over-the-top hats and fans) praise your accomplishments in one breathe and criticize your lack of interest for procreation with the other.
“We are so proud of you!” Why thank you, thank you.
“I remember when you were two or three years-old.” Nice. Maybe that’s why I don’t remember you.
“But you’re not gonna be young forever.” Sigh. I’m aware of that thanks.
“Now when are you gonna have someone.” Why are you gonna have somebody?
“And what about some kids?” And that’s the cue to go.
**Side note: There are reasons why millennials, those who choose to attend church, make a quick getaway to the car with limited interaction after service. One reason is that WE don’t have time for those type of questions!!**
Again why is there all of this peer pressure to have children in your 20s? Don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of women who started their families young and are GREAT mothers. According to romper.com, there are 5 ways having kids in your 20s affects you in life.
- Your health- Doctors say women who have kids in their 20s tend to be less stressed than those who tend to have them in their “prime”.
- Your Social Life- Although you may be that one person in your squad who has to take a raincheck on ladies night and happy hour because you can’t get a babysitter, that’s one sacrifice to a more satisfying middle-age life. By the time you reach your early to mid-40’s your child will be grown and you can entertain other goals in your life.
- Your Family- Every moment counts with family. And that’s especially important with our parents and grandparents. They’re not getting any younger and having kids in your 20s will them to spend more time with your kids and create those priceless memories.
- Your Career- Yes professional goals may be a little more difficult with kids, but its not impossible.
- Your Freedom- Goodbye social life and #tgif weekend euphoria with children; but the key is to raise them to be independent and self-sufficient. And in return, you may be able to sneak away for a quick movie date or cocktail.
But life isn’t all peaches and cream for some of us. Take myself for example. When I was 16, I used to think I was going to graduate college, meet my soul mate, marry and have a family by 25. Now I’m 28, single and nowhere near getting knocked up, let alone marrying someone and starting a family. But guess what- I’m ok with that.
I am a working young professional with a blossoming career in journalism ( a degree I went to school for and actually working in full-time in, not too many people can say that). I am a entrepreneur with a growing business and a tribe behind me to support the vision.
**Another side note, if you have a business and a friend that hasn’t supported you yet, stop saying that’s your friend.**
Most importantly, I am growing into myself. I am learning patience, humility, fear, courage, self-worth, self-love, strength, nurturance, appreciation, all which are qualities that make great wives and lessons that I must be able to instill in my own children one day. I used to be that one friend that cried or got angry when one of my friends got pregnant. Now who am I going to go out with? By the time I have kids, I may be asking your kids to babysit! So much for play dates. All my friends are having kids, one of these men need to act right so I can get started! I don’t want to be a old mom. I’m running out of time.
Thank goodness our lives does not work on our time.
With that being said, I’m not pressed. And if you’re a young woman in your 20s in my predicament, neither should you.
