As seen on Michael Baisden Live (a paid partnership)
Break-ups can be essential to our come ups as women.
A break-up with someone you thought you would spend the rest of your life with can almost be as traumatizing as the death of a loved one, not only to your heart and psyche but your body as well. After my official breakup with my boyfriend of nine years, I spent the next year and a half upset, depressed, angry and frustrated. I began to question my character and my worth. Maybe I was all of these bad things, maybe it was my fault and I wasn’t good enough. We can be our own worst enemies and manipulate ourselves into believing what others say about us, deeming it true.
But the crazy and most wonderful thing about life is that you will never lose the best thing that has ever happened to you. And your worth is not based on how another person views you.
Karrueche Tran is a great example of this glow-up and is reminder on how to move on and up. Since her highly-publicized breakup with Chris Brown in 2015, the 29 year-old has gone one to make a name for herself beyond Brown’s ex. She is the star on TBS’s hit comedy series, Claws , a model, motivational speaker and entrepreneur, collaborating with makeup brand ColourPop to create her own line of products called “Kae Pop“. Not to mention her new glow from Hershey Kisses chocolate boo, Victor Cruz.
Her story is proof that once you make up in your mind that you want to be your BEST you , not for a man and others, but for yourself, life starts to look a lot better. Your heart might be broken but your life isn’t. Listed below are a few tips to help you live your best life going forward.
Tip #1: Get To Know You Again
The old-school remedy is usually to get over a old man, climb on top of another. But after those five to seven minutes ( we’re being nice with time) of pleasure or spur of the moment date, you could still be left feeling empty, if not emptier than before. We have to find ourselves all over again because in the midst of being involved with someone else, we can lose that person. And this can happen in a good relationship as well. Spend some time with yourself again. Go out, treat yourself. Those movies and hobbies that you enjoyed and your significant other didn’t, so you all never went- go now by yourself. Rediscover your likes and dislikes, what brings you the most joy because we’re all about the positive vibes. Meditate, pray, travel. You can’t expect to be a rock for someone else, when you’re mud to yourself. Its a peace and a blessing to be alone.
Tip #2: Its OK (and completely normal) To Feel Down, Just Don’t Stay Down
The familiar phrase about each day its going to get easer and easier, it really is true. Obviously, you’re going to have plenty of sleepless nights and teary eyes . After my last breakup, I cried so much, I had to do double duty on my foundation to hide the bags under my eyes at my job. I would have my temporary distractions, spending time with friends and those essential “me time” moments as discussed in Tip #1. If left alone for too long with my thoughts again, it would be Niagara Falls. Its so easy to get caught up in the loss and everything that is wrong ( and in most occasions, we cannot control) that we lose focus on everything that’s so great in our lives. Are you ugly? Are you homeless? Broke? On your death-bed? Didn’t think so, which leads to our next point.
Tip #3: Focus on the Positives
That business venture you been wanting to start,, that trip you been wanting to take, do it. The energy you may use on that situation or person who hurt you, extract it and exert that same energy to something you enjoy and feeds you positively. Call that friend you can trust, vent about it, cry about it but just don’t go back. Focus on your personal goals and building yourself. Remember its “He who finds a good wife”, not the other way around. But you have to be in the right mental mind space to accept and appreciate that blessing. Work on yourself in the meantime. Be the best person you can be for yourself and the right people will gravitate towards you.
You have to be able to push through the bulls**t and the pain to create your own happiness. If someone new comes in your life, they should only add to what already exists not take away.
Live your best life Queen!
By Alexia McKay
Alexia is the editor-in-chief and founder of RoyalTee Magazine.
A working journalist, entrepreneur and founder of RoyalTee Enterprises. Born and raised in Tampa, Fla. The vision of RoyalTee was inspired in 2015 by Alexia’s ambitions to return to her passion for creative writing and publishing and create a platform to showcase the excellence of minority women across the country through professional, personal and social ventures.