Fellas when it comes to sex, if a woman wears a bonnet or head scarf to bed, is it a turn off? Turn on? Or it doesn’t matter?
On a personal note, it is a no for me. I’m still going to eat my dinner whether its on a plastic plate or glass. The food is still going to be just as hot and taste just as good. However after posing this question on my Facebook and Instagram profile, not all men feel the same way.
Below are a few responses I received:
We’re all different. For me it can become a problem if you’re always in it and I never get to see you looking dressed up.
Bonnets aren’t exactly sexy. But I never saw it as an obstacle for having sex.
Doesn’t matter unless its an occasion or we’re celebrating.
I know for most women that ya’ll get to default mode at a certain time of the night. But that works out too because I don’t want hair all over my face lol. And bonnets are sexy too in a classy, ratchet way.
When I started dating someone and we upgraded to overnight visits, I waited weeks before I started wrapping my hair and looking ‘basic’. We’re talking boy shorts, tight tanks, sexy pajamas ( matching sets) and lingerie every night. In the case of my ex-boyfriend, when we first started dating, I had braids, so sleeping without a bonnet or head scarf was not a big problem. But as our relationship ( and sex life) deepened, I started to do away with the fantasies and become more comfortable. Not to say I do not enjoy rocking the sexy get-up for my man and boy shorts are still a go-to for any time of the day. But I also loves basketball shorts , big tees (preferably my college ones. No matter how many I complain about having, I always seem to grab another too each year at homecoming), the fuzzy socks, the night gowns my mother buys me that has no signs of lust and ‘come and get it’ on them. But let me tell you those gowns are the most comfortable pieces of clothing I have.
And the bigger picture was I was tired of messing up my hair! Sweaty lovemaking is ideal until you take a look at yourself in the mirror and your hair looks like you’ve been shocked by electricity or matted on your head like you’ve been working a Georgia cotton field all day. As black women, sweating out our hair, is about as worse as getting thrown into the pool. And getting our hair back together again can be an all day affair. We don’t know how our white cousins do it.
One of my Instagram viewers commented that once a woman puts a bonnet on that they’re ready to sleep and its ‘too late’ for him. I beg to differ.
In my case, I realized it really did not matter to my man if my head was covered or not. Whether my hair was out or I had it tied down in one of my two favorite black or turquoise headscarves, we still got down to business. And ladies, if we’re going to be honest, when our hair is wrapped just right, we’re not taking it off. Not for sex, to get the mail, when mama comes over, drive-thru, nada. You better get it like it is sir.
Guys, we’re no less turned on or off to you whether you wear a durag ( keeping those fades right are essential, we know!) or keep it plain, whether you wear long PJs pants one night or boxers the next, sleep with socks or rock it bare foot ( believe it or not, there are some men who are extremely self-conscious about showing their feet). If you turn me on, you turn me on.
I am a firm believer in accepting a person as they am or nothing at all. Guys, we’re not going to be the face beat ( a.k.a makeup is on point), dime piece you met while out on the town or that super perfect profile picture on our social media every single day. If you want to get a good idea of what you’re dealing with, catch us on a quick late-night run to Walmart.
A working journalist, entrepreneur and founder of RoyalTee Enterprises. Born and raised in Tampa, Fla. The vision of RoyalTee was inspired in 2015 by Alexia’s ambitions to return to her passion for creative writing and publishing and create a platform to showcase the excellence of minority women across the country through professional, personal and social ventures.