Are you dating someone new? But your past seems to be getting in the way?
Ladies ( and even guys), we have all been there or going through it. We break up with someone or they break up with us, but somehow they still seem to seep into anything new we try to do, such as moving on! Which can be easier said than done, but the intensity of that action can vary on the situation.
And in most situations, its usually the ladies that fall in this ditch. We can be dating someone who is AMAZING; great in bed, treats us right, great conversation and he’s not bad to look at on the eyes, the whole nine. And get this: he’s actually into you. We’re talking about the guys that call when they want to speak and if they text, you’re not waiting for five hours for them to respond with a simple “oh, ok, true, yea.” The type of man who takes initiatives and actually plans out a date to take you on, versus the Netflix and chilling. Uh no, we’re grown. I can Netflix and chill alone with a glass of wine and my dog after work.
We blow off great guys and great, potential relationships, because we’re still stuck on that one person who broke our hearts and is probably sleeping great at night ( next to someone else) and not thinking about you! We millennials call that “being in your feelings”. They’re on your mind, which is natural if you’re human. But all feelings are not good feelings sis (or bro). Nine times out of ten, if you’re in your feelings about your ex, it does not conjure up the same emotions you had when you were with them, especially if you all did not end your relationship on good terms. Those feelings of security, stability and support have been dimmed to stress, the thought of that person has you shedding more tears and not the type that brings you joy. Going through a heartbreak isn’t fun. There is anger, frustration, sadness, fear, hurt and pain. Getting over your emotions for that person is not easy. But DO NOT continue to hold yourself from the possibilities of something new, because you want the old thing back
The lyrics in Mary J. Blige’s Indestructible song, lays out the groundwork for a few tips below:
Think about how valuable you are, you are, you are
Don’t let what he put you through cause you to close your heart
I know your heart is aching, but you can’t let him break it, baby
You gotta love like you never been hurt, to find a love that you deserve
Indestructible, to find love you must be indestructible
1. You can’t worry about the should’ve, could’ve, would’ve
If you are confident in your heart, that you did everything you could to make it work and it did not, go about your business. Start trying to look at your break-ups as lessons and not burden. Sometimes the separation is the blessing. You never know what you are being blocked or saved from.
2. He is not your ex
In other words, give the brother a chance. Every man is not that one man. Be willing to open yourself up to new people and no experiences. Do not punish the next person for the mistakes the other person made.
3. Don’t date if you’re ready to
No one likes being with someone and they have another person on their mind. The worst advice ( in my opinion) that could ever be given to a woman after a breakup is, ‘the quickest way to get over a man is to climb on top of a new one.’ WRONG! If anything, that emptiness and those emotions you feel will only be stronger. Healing (and happiness) starts from within. You don’t have to jump into dating if you do not want to. Just get out the house and hang out with your friends. A great girls night out could cure the deepest blues.
A working journalist, entrepreneur and founder of RoyalTee Enterprises. Born and raised in Tampa, Fla. The vision of RoyalTee was inspired in 2015 by Alexia’s ambitions to return to her passion for creative writing and publishing and create a platform to showcase the excellence of minority women across the country through professional, personal and social ventures.