There’s a new breed of women who are not waiting for the men to step up ( or down) to propose. Instead they’re taking matters into their own hands.
Beyonce “Put A Ring On It” song pretty much details our current situation with some men we find ourselves in long-term relationships and the reason it may not have worked out. If you liked it, than yes, you should have put a ring on it. But in today’s society, the question of exactly who is responsible for putting the ring on it is now coming into play.
Instead of the man asking for the woman’s hand in marriage, some ladies are flipping the script and getting down on their knees instead to ask him.
Now as a millennial woman, I consider myself to be very progressive, a bit of out of the box (elder folks may label it as rebellious) and innovative in my way of thinking. I don’t believe you have to get married and have kids in your 20’s, especially if the cards are just not lined up for that to happen. I do believe in self-growth, self-happiness and exceling in your career and a firm believer in “doing you” and living your best life before even thinking about settling down. Why live a “should’ve, could’ve, would’ve” life if you don’t have to? I believe anything a man can do we can do better. However there are some old-school qualities that I still hold near and dear to my heart, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. Chivalry is one of those qualities. Men these days want you to open the door for him. Um. No sir. And I also believe that the responsibility to pop the big question solely belongs to the man. Sure, as women, we may make cute gestures about it. Most of us already have our dream wedding planned out in our heads by the time we’re teenagers. I have been telling my best guy friend that he will sing when I walk down the aisle for the past 15 years. We post photos and memes on our social media feeds and ideal songs, captioning them as ‘our wedding song.’ The hashtags #dearfuturehusbands and #dearfuturehubby has thousands of posts on Instagram. We may even go ring shopping together. But getting down on one knee? That’s a no-no. Just call me an old-school millennial ( blame my parents and thank them as well).
However, there are some women who would disagree. According to a 2017 engagement survey done by The Knot, less than 1% of women (61 out of 12,657) proposed. In a 2015 survey by Glamour magazine, at least 70% of men said they wouldn’t mind if their woman popped the question to them and they would most likely say yes. That’s against the 63% of men who believe its their job to pop the question to us and he 33% who say whoever has the guts to do it first. Nevertheless, despite what side of the aisle you’re on in this debate, there are a few things to keep in mind if you are thinking about proposing.
Conversations about the future
Let’s take about taking this next step in our relationship. Talks about the future, marriage, children are common for people in serious situations, especially for those who see longevity with the other . Having a common ground on these topics are essential. Marriage isn’t something you should step into lightly or with just anyone. If you are in a long-term relationship with someone and you haven’t talked about your future, at least about where you two are planning to take your situation, it maybe time to reevaluate that person’s purpose in your life.
Audience and setting does matter
If you know your significant other is a private person than a surprise engagement in front of dozens of people may not be a good idea. Close friends and family, mama’s house after church or while cooking dinner ( that’s how Prince Harry laid it on Megan Markle) would be more ideal. Remember proposals are intimate moments.
Who cares what they think
This may be the “millennial” side of me talking. But I’m a firm believer of whatever makes you happy. You like it, I love it. Tradition dictates that we ask the blessing of our parents first. But will you not be with the love of your life because your family does not want you to? Of course, circumstances can vary, but at the end of the day you have to sleep next to this person every night. Not anyone else.
While some may value keeping tradition in some aspects of our lives, others are willing to stray and make their own. And that’s ok. Ladies, if you want to propose to your man go for it. If you rather he proposes to you, by all means. Love has no rules.
A working journalist, entrepreneur and founder of RoyalTee Enterprises. Born and raised in Tampa, Fla. The vision of RoyalTee was inspired in 2015 by Alexia’s ambitions to return to her passion for creative writing and publishing and create a platform to showcase the excellence of minority women across the country through professional, personal and social ventures.